Stop with the Tebow love-fest, already
posted by David Cloninger, 11/11/2008 06:16:00 PM
But I really really really don't like you."
------------------- PLAIN WHITE T
It's once again that time of year -- South Carolina plays Florida and your local media bombards you with tales of that Golden Boy on High, Tim Tebow.
Not me, brother.
He's a football player, a very good football player, but nothing more. Quit, already, with the tales of how Tim Tebow is the modern-day equivalent of God, Buddha, Shiva, Zoroaster, whatever higher power is your choice to pray to.
I just don't want to hear any more about how he's such a model American. About how he volunteers his spare time for all kinds of campus ministries. About how he went to the Philippines on his Spring Break and helped in local clinics. About how he helped circumcise local children there.
My avoidance of anything related to the medical profession is well-documented -- I exist by the theory of "It'll get better. I don't need to pay 120 bucks for info I already know." But even I have to draw the line at having a college quarterback, whose major is Family, Youth and Community Sciences (NOT pre-med), wielding a scalpel over anybody.
That's not admirable. That's completely irresponsible and grounds for malpractice.
I have no doubt he's a fine human being, but I don't watch college football to see fine human beings. I watch to see good games and good players, and he's the latter who's played a lot of the former.
So chill out, ESPN and whoever else, with the tales about Tebow's off-the-field life, where he organizes three Bible studies, tutors the homeless, builds a Habitat for Humanity and then, if he can manage it, sneak in a quick breakfast before heading off to teach four classes before football practice. He's just a football player, better than most, who's leading his team to what could be an historic season.
I don't need to hear any more about:
* How Tebow cried when the Gators lost to Ole Miss earlier this year, saying he wanted to give Florida fans a perfect season. Quit looking for medals, Boy Scout.
* How the worst thing Tebow ever says is "Golly gee whillikers" and the like, never raising his voice above a whisper. No one ever hears him on the field, do they?
* How he's the most perfect role model since Doak Walker, the kind of dude who comes out after the game in a suit and tie and takes his girlfriend (if he's allowed to have one) for a malted. That boy's so square Peyton Manning called him and said, "Lighten up, for Pete's sake!"
* How he's the most perfect teen idol, sort of a Shaun Cassidy/Leif Garrett/Elvis Presley without the indiscretions, of all time. Look, NOBODY's that perfect. I lay 10-to-1 it'll come out that likes to juggle skulls in his spare time or some such hideous thing.
Just don't need to hear it any more. All I'm concerned with is how nicely Eric Norwood's helmet will fit between that 1 and 5 on Tebow's chest. Tebow's a great player, maybe the best the game will ever see, but that's all he'll ever be to me. Not a hero or a saint or a ruler to live my life by.
And if I don't get his autograph on Saturday, I'll just die.
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"Hate is a strong word,
But I really really really don't like you."
------------------- PLAIN WHITE T
It's once again that time of year -- South Carolina plays Florida and your local media bombards you with tales of that Golden Boy on High, Tim Tebow.
Not me, brother.
He's a football player, a very good football player, but nothing more. Quit, already, with the tales of how Tim Tebow is the modern-day equivalent of God, Buddha, Shiva, Zoroaster, whatever higher power is your choice to pray to.
I just don't want to hear any more about how he's such a model American. About how he volunteers his spare time for all kinds of campus ministries. About how he went to the Philippines on his Spring Break and helped in local clinics. About how he helped circumcise local children there.
My avoidance of anything related to the medical profession is well-documented -- I exist by the theory of "It'll get better. I don't need to pay 120 bucks for info I already know." But even I have to draw the line at having a college quarterback, whose major is Family, Youth and Community Sciences (NOT pre-med), wielding a scalpel over anybody.
That's not admirable. That's completely irresponsible and grounds for malpractice.
I have no doubt he's a fine human being, but I don't watch college football to see fine human beings. I watch to see good games and good players, and he's the latter who's played a lot of the former.
So chill out, ESPN and whoever else, with the tales about Tebow's off-the-field life, where he organizes three Bible studies, tutors the homeless, builds a Habitat for Humanity and then, if he can manage it, sneak in a quick breakfast before heading off to teach four classes before football practice. He's just a football player, better than most, who's leading his team to what could be an historic season.
I don't need to hear any more about:
* How Tebow cried when the Gators lost to Ole Miss earlier this year, saying he wanted to give Florida fans a perfect season. Quit looking for medals, Boy Scout.
* How the worst thing Tebow ever says is "Golly gee whillikers" and the like, never raising his voice above a whisper. No one ever hears him on the field, do they?
* How he's the most perfect role model since Doak Walker, the kind of dude who comes out after the game in a suit and tie and takes his girlfriend (if he's allowed to have one) for a malted. That boy's so square Peyton Manning called him and said, "Lighten up, for Pete's sake!"
* How he's the most perfect teen idol, sort of a Shaun Cassidy/Leif Garrett/Elvis Presley without the indiscretions, of all time. Look, NOBODY's that perfect. I lay 10-to-1 it'll come out that likes to juggle skulls in his spare time or some such hideous thing.
Just don't need to hear it any more. All I'm concerned with is how nicely Eric Norwood's helmet will fit between that 1 and 5 on Tebow's chest. Tebow's a great player, maybe the best the game will ever see, but that's all he'll ever be to me. Not a hero or a saint or a ruler to live my life by.
And if I don't get his autograph on Saturday, I'll just die.
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David Cloninger. David is a full-time staff writer for GamecockCentral, and covers Gamecock football, men's basketball, baseball and recruiting. He may be reached by email at david(at)gamecockcentral.com. Replace (at) with @.