DC Plays Baseball DJ
posted by David Cloninger, 4/01/2009 01:40:00 AM
---------------- LIZ PHAIR
As you may have noticed, I take my music rather seriously. That’s why I held my tongue as long as I could, hoping I’d see some change.
South Carolina’s baseball team has got some improving to do, and not just in hitting and pitching.
The Gamecocks have to do something about their entrance music.
Take the following suggestions, free of charge. Of course, I’ll expect my name up on the scoreboard when these are used, the team wins 25 straight and ends up in Omaha.
Jackie Bradley Jr.: “Big Jack,” AC/DC
No one could ever fail with AC/DC as their entrance band, and Bradley Jr.’s making a strong case for SEC Freshman of the Year as it is. Part of the chorus is, “You’ve got a reputation, you really got the knack.”
Even though the rest of the song is sort of objectionable, the first few bars aren’t. Just that classic three-chord power riff.
Possibility: “Happy Jack,” The Who. “The kids couldn’t hurt Jack, They tried, tried, tried.”
Whit Merrifield: No song, just a bit of dialogue from “Billy Madison.” Specifically, the part where Billy (Adam Sandler) is spelling words in third grade and the teacher asks him to spell “bunt.”
The reply: “Bunt. B-U-N-T. In perfect cursive. Any more brain-busters?”
Possibility: I suppose really the same scene from the original “The Bad News Bears” could work too.
Nick Ebert: “Of Wolf and Man,” Metallica
Think of those staccato drumbeats hitting as Ebert walks to the plate. The place would go nuts.
Ebert gets a lot of the hair-metal considerations because of his bat, but this one is perfect. If you’ve ever looked at the guy, he seems like he’s just waiting for the next full moon to sprout fangs and go pillaging country homes.
Possibility: Anything by Powerman 5000.
DeAngelo Mack: “The Stroke,” Billy Squier
When he connects, it’s going somewhere fast. The key is not to get in the box until after the first four lines, so the crowd can hear that power-chord jam.
Possibility: “Big Guns,” Skid Row. Mack looks like he inserted baseballs under the skin on his arms. The man is cut, understand?
Although considering what that song’s really about, you’d have to cut it off after the first guitar lick.
Jeffery Jones: “Oh Yeah,” Yello
See, this song was used as the ending music in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” as Dean of Students Edward R. Rooney is getting on the school bus. Rooney was played by actor Jeffrey Jones.
On second thought, considering what happened to Jeffrey Jones, let’s take suggestions for Jeffery Jones.
Possibility: “Deep in the Heart of Texas,” Perry Como. The PA could blare, “The stars at night, are big and bright,” and then the crowd screams, “Deep in the heart of Texas!”
Andrew Crisp: No song, just a blip from a commercial.
Cereal staple Sugar Bear pops up on the screen and says, “Can’t get enough of that Golden Crisp.”
Justin Dalles: Theme from “Dallas”
Think about it. It’s recognizable, it’s just inspiring enough to get the crowd laughing and with today’s technology, you could substitute an “E” for the second “A” as the title rolls across the screen.
Scott Wingo: “Fortunate Son,” Creedence Clearwater Revival
He’s at USC. His dad played at Clemson. Any questions?
Possibility: Bret “Hitman” Hart’s theme. Wingo’s usually good for a beaning once every five games.
Bobby Haney: Soundtrack from the video game “Defender”
He’s turning into a very good shortstop while his bat comes around. Just make sure you get a few of the smart bomb sounds in before you cut it off.
Possibility: “Bobby’s Girl,” Marcie Blane. Seriously, how funny would that be for every female in the crowd to stand up and sing, “I want to be … BOBBY’S girl … ”
Kyle Enders: “The End,” The Doors
Only problem is splicing it so the song comes right up when Morrison’s voice begins singing (“This is the end … beautiful friend ….”). That’s a full minute of that psychedelic sitar to cut.
Casey Rihn: “Rain Fall Down,” The Rolling Stones
Yeah, so his name is pronounced “Rhine,” but it’s close enough. Besides, that’s a good little jangling intro.
Possibility: “Casey Jones,” The Grateful Dead, but got to cut it off quick. Don’t want a mention of nose candy in a family atmosphere. If you’re really in a pinch, anything by rapper Mighty Casey.
Parker Bangs: “Bang the Drum All Day,” Todd Rundgren
You know you were thinking it.
Possibility: “She Bangs,” Ricky Martin. If he really wanted to get that kind of reputation.
Sam Dyson: “Slam,” Onyx
A strange choice, considering how I detest rap, but does any word other than that perfectly describe Dyson? (And it’s a perfect nickname, too.)
Nolan Belcher: Theme from “Mighty Mouse”
Just think of him warming up, stopping and lip-syncing “Here I come to save the day” ala Andy Kaufman.
Possibility: “Short People,” Randy Newman. The song’s about the ridiculousness of intolerance, so it’s sort of fitting for people who judge Belcher on his height, then his fastball.
Blake Cooper: “Another One Bites the Dust,” Queen
Every time I watch him pitch, I think, “Bulldog.” This song was used to introduce the Junkyard Dog. Cooper gets extra credit if he sews “Thump” on the seat of his pants.
Matt Price: Theme from “The Price is Right”
And include Bob Barker’s announcement about pets.
Brandon Miller: “Alone + Easy Target,” Foo Fighters
After getting slapped by foul balls in two of the past four games, I think it fits.
Adam Westmoreland: “The Weight,” The Band
Not only is it a classic tune, it’s laid-back enough that Westmoreland could relax when he’s warming up. Which is the only reason I picked it.
Possibility: “Dream Big,” David Cook. Decent song, even though it’s from the American Idol School of Music.
Jay Brown: “I’m Back,” James A. Johnston Jr.
This was written for Eric Bischoff when he returned to wrestling from exile. “I’m back, and I’m better than ever. Got a knack, for making things better.”
Brown and Curtis Johnson can share this one, assuming Cujo fully recovers.
Alex Farotto: “Hold On! I’m a-Comin’,” Sam & Dave
Good slow start with a great saxophone intro and much better than all of the other mundane closers’ selections (a shame that “Enter Sandman” has to be associated with a New York Yankee).
Considering USC’s recent bullpen woes and the nervousness associated with the gap between starter and closer, I think the title says it all.
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“I can feel it in my bones.”
---------------- LIZ PHAIR
As you may have noticed, I take my music rather seriously. That’s why I held my tongue as long as I could, hoping I’d see some change.
South Carolina’s baseball team has got some improving to do, and not just in hitting and pitching.
The Gamecocks have to do something about their entrance music.
Take the following suggestions, free of charge. Of course, I’ll expect my name up on the scoreboard when these are used, the team wins 25 straight and ends up in Omaha.
Jackie Bradley Jr.: “Big Jack,” AC/DC
No one could ever fail with AC/DC as their entrance band, and Bradley Jr.’s making a strong case for SEC Freshman of the Year as it is. Part of the chorus is, “You’ve got a reputation, you really got the knack.”
Even though the rest of the song is sort of objectionable, the first few bars aren’t. Just that classic three-chord power riff.
Possibility: “Happy Jack,” The Who. “The kids couldn’t hurt Jack, They tried, tried, tried.”
Whit Merrifield: No song, just a bit of dialogue from “Billy Madison.” Specifically, the part where Billy (Adam Sandler) is spelling words in third grade and the teacher asks him to spell “bunt.”
The reply: “Bunt. B-U-N-T. In perfect cursive. Any more brain-busters?”
Possibility: I suppose really the same scene from the original “The Bad News Bears” could work too.
Nick Ebert: “Of Wolf and Man,” Metallica
Think of those staccato drumbeats hitting as Ebert walks to the plate. The place would go nuts.
Ebert gets a lot of the hair-metal considerations because of his bat, but this one is perfect. If you’ve ever looked at the guy, he seems like he’s just waiting for the next full moon to sprout fangs and go pillaging country homes.
Possibility: Anything by Powerman 5000.
DeAngelo Mack: “The Stroke,” Billy Squier
When he connects, it’s going somewhere fast. The key is not to get in the box until after the first four lines, so the crowd can hear that power-chord jam.
Possibility: “Big Guns,” Skid Row. Mack looks like he inserted baseballs under the skin on his arms. The man is cut, understand?
Although considering what that song’s really about, you’d have to cut it off after the first guitar lick.
Jeffery Jones: “Oh Yeah,” Yello
See, this song was used as the ending music in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” as Dean of Students Edward R. Rooney is getting on the school bus. Rooney was played by actor Jeffrey Jones.
On second thought, considering what happened to Jeffrey Jones, let’s take suggestions for Jeffery Jones.
Possibility: “Deep in the Heart of Texas,” Perry Como. The PA could blare, “The stars at night, are big and bright,” and then the crowd screams, “Deep in the heart of Texas!”
Andrew Crisp: No song, just a blip from a commercial.
Cereal staple Sugar Bear pops up on the screen and says, “Can’t get enough of that Golden Crisp.”
Justin Dalles: Theme from “Dallas”
Think about it. It’s recognizable, it’s just inspiring enough to get the crowd laughing and with today’s technology, you could substitute an “E” for the second “A” as the title rolls across the screen.
Scott Wingo: “Fortunate Son,” Creedence Clearwater Revival
He’s at USC. His dad played at Clemson. Any questions?
Possibility: Bret “Hitman” Hart’s theme. Wingo’s usually good for a beaning once every five games.
Bobby Haney: Soundtrack from the video game “Defender”
He’s turning into a very good shortstop while his bat comes around. Just make sure you get a few of the smart bomb sounds in before you cut it off.
Possibility: “Bobby’s Girl,” Marcie Blane. Seriously, how funny would that be for every female in the crowd to stand up and sing, “I want to be … BOBBY’S girl … ”
Kyle Enders: “The End,” The Doors
Only problem is splicing it so the song comes right up when Morrison’s voice begins singing (“This is the end … beautiful friend ….”). That’s a full minute of that psychedelic sitar to cut.
Casey Rihn: “Rain Fall Down,” The Rolling Stones
Yeah, so his name is pronounced “Rhine,” but it’s close enough. Besides, that’s a good little jangling intro.
Possibility: “Casey Jones,” The Grateful Dead, but got to cut it off quick. Don’t want a mention of nose candy in a family atmosphere. If you’re really in a pinch, anything by rapper Mighty Casey.
Parker Bangs: “Bang the Drum All Day,” Todd Rundgren
You know you were thinking it.
Possibility: “She Bangs,” Ricky Martin. If he really wanted to get that kind of reputation.
Sam Dyson: “Slam,” Onyx
A strange choice, considering how I detest rap, but does any word other than that perfectly describe Dyson? (And it’s a perfect nickname, too.)
Nolan Belcher: Theme from “Mighty Mouse”
Just think of him warming up, stopping and lip-syncing “Here I come to save the day” ala Andy Kaufman.
Possibility: “Short People,” Randy Newman. The song’s about the ridiculousness of intolerance, so it’s sort of fitting for people who judge Belcher on his height, then his fastball.
Blake Cooper: “Another One Bites the Dust,” Queen
Every time I watch him pitch, I think, “Bulldog.” This song was used to introduce the Junkyard Dog. Cooper gets extra credit if he sews “Thump” on the seat of his pants.
Matt Price: Theme from “The Price is Right”
And include Bob Barker’s announcement about pets.
Brandon Miller: “Alone + Easy Target,” Foo Fighters
After getting slapped by foul balls in two of the past four games, I think it fits.
Adam Westmoreland: “The Weight,” The Band
Not only is it a classic tune, it’s laid-back enough that Westmoreland could relax when he’s warming up. Which is the only reason I picked it.
Possibility: “Dream Big,” David Cook. Decent song, even though it’s from the American Idol School of Music.
Jay Brown: “I’m Back,” James A. Johnston Jr.
This was written for Eric Bischoff when he returned to wrestling from exile. “I’m back, and I’m better than ever. Got a knack, for making things better.”
Brown and Curtis Johnson can share this one, assuming Cujo fully recovers.
Alex Farotto: “Hold On! I’m a-Comin’,” Sam & Dave
Good slow start with a great saxophone intro and much better than all of the other mundane closers’ selections (a shame that “Enter Sandman” has to be associated with a New York Yankee).
Considering USC’s recent bullpen woes and the nervousness associated with the gap between starter and closer, I think the title says it all.
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David Cloninger. David is a full-time staff writer for GamecockCentral, and covers Gamecock football, men's basketball, baseball and recruiting. He may be reached by email at david(at)gamecockcentral.com. Replace (at) with @.